Monday, December 03, 2007

Thoughts in the Shower

It's because she said they're looking for internal bleeding or a mass, says my brain. That's what the dream was about.


My brain is reasoning with my heart, attempting to explain away the scary dream I had about my sister last night.
I was in the bathroom with my sister. We were brushing our hair, our teeth; putting on make-up and using the toilet. She pulled out an envelope addressed to herself. I recognized the hand-writing immediately as her old highschool boyfriend's. "He's so sweet," she said, "I think he wants to marry me." Excitedly, she pulled out the symbol of their engagement, saying, "he's sent me a medal!" I expected to see the medal from Gym Class that I took away from Sylvia last night: the cheesy plastic, Made-in-China-and-most-certainly-containing-lead one, inscribed with WINNER on the front, the one that she kept chewing on until I finally made good on my threat to take it away. Instead my sister pulled a dumpy round smiley face from the envelope. It looked like something a 3 year old might make with clay, the little round eyes bulging from the face in 3-D. "This is what he sent you as a token of his love?" I asked incredulously. "For this you are considering leaving your husband and abandoning your children?" I thought, but I kept it to myself.
"Brain," my heart says, "I like how you protected me from my real fears in that dream."

Which is this: that the doctors will find something horrible in my sister, something dark and foreboding that will threaten not only the little child that she carries in her belly, but my sister's life as well.

I look up, and see a house fly on the bathroom wall. He's obviously confused about the season; he should be long gone by now. Instead he's bobbing and bouncing, slamming his head into the wall, searching blindly for a way out.

I know just how he feels.

16 comments:

Emily said...

Oh, Ally. Your brain is protecting you, but you want so much to protect her. I'll be sending good thoughts.

Julie Pippert said...

Ally, oh my goodness. Yes, your mind is trying to make sense of something so scary, something that has no sense. Many good wishes and a (hug).

Julie
Using My Words

Mamma said...

Oh that's a punch in the gut. I'll be thinking of you and your sister--hoping for good news.

Little Monkies said...

Oh Mama, I am here if you need a phone hug. Thinking of you and your beautiful sister.

slouching mom said...

Oh, no.

I hope it turns out to be nothing. I'll be thinking about you, and her.

xxoo

Lori said...

Oh, I am so, so sorry. My sister is one of the dearest people in the world to me. I can only imagine your worry and fear.

I'm thinking about you, and praying for your sister.

Ally said...

Thank you, everyone, for your kind thoughts, words, and prayers. After a day of testing, guessing at a diagnosis, and then surgery, it turns out that my sister's appendix had burst (probably 3 weeks ago) and her body formed a wall of absesses. She had surgery today and they took out the absesses, and a bit of her colon (because the infection had attacked it as well). She's in ICU, but the prognosis is good. So far there's been no pre-term labor and her OB doc is hopeful that the baby will stay in. I'd appreciate your continued prayers! Thanks all!

Seattle Mamacita said...

oh thank goodness she's ok. I will keep her and the little one in my prayers!

Anonymous said...

What is up with the appendices in your family?! I'm so relieved that she is okay. ~ Denise

Bon said...

wow. the post itself was so vivid and strange that the images will stay with me, but the reality...even more bizarre. i wish her recovery and a lack of labour...how far along is she?

painted maypole said...

Prayers for your sister and her baby... and you.

Ally said...

Bon--She's at 26 weeks.

She's still in the hospital but is doing much better. Thanks everyone for your continued prayers!

bgirl said...

the connection between you two runs deep. i'm so glad she will be okay. how scary for both of you.

b

Jenn said...

Ally.

I'm praying right now.

The fly--funny--I have two in my house, doing the same thing, and while with their slow reflexes, I could have killed them long ago, instead I found myself leaving out little snacks and wondering how long they will hold on.

jen said...

oh honey. how scary. you.

i've missed you. and am thinking of you.

whymommy said...

Oh, Ally. What hard news to have to deal with. I'm glad that they found the problem and have fixed it ... praying that your sister and little baby inside are safe and she is continuing to heal.